Here it is the beginning of another year and I am still reeling from the last.
It’s been almost two years since I last posted and another 1-2 years before then. And the trend it seems from my last 4 posts, is that I only put pen to paper when I’ve lost someone special – someone who has had profound effect on my life. Kinda morbid I think sometimes. Perhaps it is the only way I know to grieve. So, yep you guessed it.
2017 laid to rest my mother-in-law in March. She was very dear to me and had been for 38 years. We shared many laughs and secrets and just good times. And her youngest man-child who, without her influence, would not be in my life right now – and what a real tragedy that would be. So now both my mommas are gone but life goes on, except when it doesn’t.
2017 also put to sleep an uncle who was so much more like another one of my big brothers for my entire life. He and I were closer in age than he was to his actual sister, my mother. I know that my mom was his confidant and best friend and I knew when she died that I would step up in a feeble attempt to fill her shoes. But when he called me to say he was going into hospice my already fractured heart broke into so many more pieces. I left home and husband to be by his side for his last 2 months and held his hand when he took his last breath.
He told me not to be sad. He’d say, “Now, don’t you start crying” (excuse me now while I wipe my tears), and I’d tell him that everything was going to be all right. And life goes on, except when it doesn’t.
Every day I try to get better at this thing called life. It’s a real struggle sometimes. I’ve set some goals, anxious to make some changes, ready to move on. I promise to be more in the present and even if I have to write yet another obituary this year I’ll try not to bombard you with my wailing.
I hope you follow me into the new year and help me build what I hope to be the best me in a very long time.
And life goes on, until it doesn’t.